One Last Solute
by E. Limberg
Summary: Sequel to Believe in Us. Character death. How are Mike and Stella going to cope without Mac? HawkesStella in later chapters. Stella deicdes she is ready for another relationship when Hawkes tells her he loves her.
1. Don't Take the Girl

**One Last Solute**

**A/N: **This is for AliasCSI:NYFriendsER who told me I couldn't end Believe in Us like that. I hope you like it. It took me awhile to figure out what I should have happen with Stella and the baby.

**Chapter 1: Don't Take the Girl**

"_Johnny's daddy was taking him fishin'  
When he was eight years old  
A little girl came through the front gate holdin' a fishing pole  
His dad looked down and smiled, said we can't leave her behind  
Son I know you don't want her to go but someday you'll change your mind  
And Johnny said "Take Jimmy Johnson, take Tommy Thompson, take my best friend Bo  
Take anybody that you want as long as she don't go  
Take any boy in the world  
Daddy please don't take the girl"_

"I didn't kill her."

"Mr. Williams, we have your fingerprints and DNA at the crime scene and on the murder weapon. All the evidence points to you," Stella sits opposite the man. They all knew he killed this woman, but not enough evidence had been found to prove he was the one who killed her. She was just threatening him, trying to get a confession. Mac was still examining the man's house looking for more evidence to prove he lit the vic on fire.

"I told you I went to talk to her earlier that day, but I didn't kill her. She was alive when I left. I'm not saying any more."

"Fine. We'll find enough to arrest you. How would you like to be burnt up?" she shoves a photo of the vic on the autopsy table in his face, forcing him to look at the disgusting burns on her face.

"I didn't kill her," Mr. Williams shouts at Stella, standing up and lunging at her. He collides with her, knocking her over, before she can react. The man wraps his hands around her neck, suffocating her. Stella struggles to free herself, but his grip just tightens. "You want the truth, Detective? I'll tell you now; you won't be able to convict me. She was cheating on me. That bitch didn't deserve to live so I killed her."

All of a sudden the door to the interrogation room swings opens and Mac runs in with his gun out. Two shots were fired right into the man's chest.

"Stel, you okay?" Mac asks, helping her up. She didn't say anything as he reaches out to rub her neck. Stella backs away at his touch.

"I'm fine."

"The baby too?"

"I don't know. I-," she is cut off by Mac's lips against hers.

"It's okay, Stella. I don't want you interviewing alone anymore or at crime scenes."

"Why? What do you want me to do for six months? I can't work in the lab because of the chemicals."

"I don't want you to get hurt," Mac says reaching to inspect her neck again. Stella let him touch her this time. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yes, Mac, I'm fine. I guess I'll start plans for the wedding since I can't work. I go to the doctor Wednesday so you don't make me schedule another appointment to check on the baby."

"See you later," Mac kisses her one last time before going back to work leaving Stella with another detective on the case.

_  
"Same old boy  
Same sweet girl  
Ten years down the road  
He held her tight and kissed her lips  
In front of the picture show  
Stranger came and pulled a gun  
Grabbed her by the arm said "If you do what I tell you to, there won't be any harm"  
And Johnny said "Take my money, take my wallet, take my credit cards  
Here's the watch that my grandpa gave me  
Here's the key to my car  
Mister give it a whirl  
But please don't take the girl"_

"Do you want a boy or a girl?" Mac asks as he drives Stella to the doctor.

"I don't really have a choice, Mac."

"Which would you prefer then?"

"I don't know. I kinda want a girl. What do you want?"_  
_

"A boy, but a girl would be fine."

"I just hope it doesn't look like Frankie when it's older. I can't wait to find out, Mac," they arrive at the doctor's office.

"Stel, I'm sure the baby got you genes in the looks department," he says receiving a huge smile and slight blush from Stella.

**---CSI: MY---**

"Oh my god, Mac, we're having a boy," Stella hugs him tightly.

"Well, back to the lab then to tell everyone the news," Mac says leading her out of the office and back to the car.

"I'm hungry. Let's stop for ice cream on the way there."

"Stel, you're always hungry, pregnant or not. I guess we can as long as you promise no weird combinations," Mac says, laughing.

"You can look at dead bodies all day, yet you can't handle French fries in ranch dressing. A lot of people dip their French fries in ranch dressing and they're not pregnant."

"Shut up, Stella," Mac teases.

**---CSI: NY---**

"So, you have any names in mind for your son?" Mac asks as they sit down to eat their ice cream.

"I already know what I'm going to name him," Stella says smugly.

"What?"

"Michael Taylor."

"No Mac Jr. or Frankie Jr.?" he teases her again. She freezes at the mention of Frankie.

"No, definitely not."

"Sorry," he says realizing her discomfort. "Why Taylor?"

"Well, if it's your son, he would have your last name. And we would have to change his name anyway after the wedding. Plus it sounds better than Michael Bonasera."

"Good point. You need any help planning the wedding or are you done planning because you're avoiding doing paperwork?" he smiles as she glares at him.

"I've got nothing better to do. Blue or purple and chocolate or white cake?"

"Blue and white. Is that all I get to decide in the wedding? And I didn't even get to help name my son."

"Probably, but I can't remember right now. Don't complain. You're the one who told me I can't do lab work, process scenes, attend autopsy, or interrogate suspects. And technically it's not your son."

"Hey, it's only three more months. Do you want the baby healthy or not?" he asks, knowing she can't win the argument.

"Yes, but it's so boring to do paperwork all day on cases you don't know anything about."

"Maybe, and I'm glad I'll never have to find out. We should get back," he stands and she follows.

"Correction: you should get back. I'm useless."

_  
"Same old boy  
Same sweet girl  
Five years down the road  
There's going to be a little one and she says it's time to go  
Doctor says the baby's fine but you'll have to leave  
'Cause his momma's fading fast and Johnny hit his knees and there he prayed  
Take the very breath you gave me  
Take the heart from my chest  
I'll gladly take her place if you'll let me  
Make this my last request  
Take me out of this world  
God, please don't take the girl"  
_

"Hey, Stel," Hawkes pokes his head into her office, "you know where Mac is?'

"He went to pick his mother up from the airport."

"Okay, how many more days do you have?"

"Three- Ow," she suddenly screams. "Maybe not."

"You alright?"

"No, call Mac. Tell him to meet us at the hospital," she gets up, grabs her bag, and starts to leave her office realizing Sheldon is just standing there. "Hawkes, come on. I think the baby's coming. Get Flack to drive us. What?"

Hawkes is staring at her with a slightly scared look. "I've never delivered a baby before."

"Well, get going so you don't have to. But you do know how just in case, right?"

"I'm an ME, Stella, not an OB/GYN. Dead people don't give birth. But, yes, I do know a little about delivering babies if we need it," he finally moves to help her.

"I'll call Mac on the way there."

"Stel, what's wrong?" Mac answers his phone.

"The baby's coming. Flack's driving Hawkes and I to the hospital. Meet us there. Have you gotten your mother yet?"

"Yeah, she's right next to me. Want to talk to her?"

"Not really. Does she know the baby's not yours?"

"No. You can tell her if you'd like. I'm putting the sirens on so we get there faster."

"Good. Ow-hurry."

**---CSI: NY---**

"Where's Stella?" Mac asks Hawkes when he sees him outside her door. "How is she?" he makes to open the door but Hawkes stops him.

"There've been some complications with the birth. I'm sorry, Mac. It will be a miracle if they both survive," he says as Mac stands there in shock.

'_I can't lose them both. She's my everything. I know she didn't want the baby at first, but now she was excited to be a mother. Why can't it be me instead of her? Stel has been through so much already with Frankie and what he did to her. I know she wouldn't want me to leave her, but she doesn't deserve this. Everything you do is for a reason; God, what is your reason for putting us through this torture? Is this her punishment for not using protection, which Frankie should have been man enough to or ask her is she is? Let me see Claire again. I wouldn't mind if both of them survived and I was left here with them or if you let me take her place. I don't care. Just let her be okay. And even if the baby dies, we can have more kids when she is ready. Please don't take Stella from me.'_

_  
"Johnny's daddy  
Was taking him fishin'  
When he was eight years old"_

**A/N: "Don't Take the Girl" Tim McGraw. I hope you like it. I'm still writing the story, so I only have a basic idea of what's going to happen. I'll write and update as fast as I can. Tell me what you think or if you have ideas. Thanks.**


	2. Ride of Your Life

**Chapter 2: Ride of Your Life**

"_Wishing on a shooting star  
But dreams alone won't get you far  
Can't deny your feelings anymore  
The world is waiting right outside your door  
What are you waiting for?"  
_

"Come on, Stel, don't leave me," Mac sits beside Stella in her room. The baby, Michael, survived and was doing fine in the nursery. Stella was still unconscious from the anesthesia that the doctor made her take. No one was positive she would awaken. Mac's mom and the rest of the team were in the waiting room. Mac prayed again that Stella would make it for Michael's sake. "I love you, Stella. I can't live without you. Please wake up, for me and Michael." It had been a couple of hours since the baby was born and Mac knew Stella needed to rest. But what he needed was to know if he had lost the only other woman he has loved since Claire. "Stella, please, if you can here me, squeeze my hand," Mac says, slipping his hand in hers, trying his Marine tactics again, and he hoped that they work like they did with Flack. "Please, Stel, I need you to squeeze my hand." This time Stella complied.

A few minutes later her eyes flutter open to his relief. "Mac," she whispers sleepily, "where am I?"

"The hospital. Michael was born. We all thought you wouldn't make it, but both of you did. I don't think I've ever been so scared except when we found you in your apartment after Frankie was shot."

"I hate hospitals," she mutters to herself, closing her eyes again. "Does he look like Frankie?"

"No, he has your green eyes and curly hair that is a little darker than yours," Mac kisses her. "Do you want to see him now or go back to sleep?"

"Sleep, now that I can lie on my stomach. I'm not fat anymore!" Mac chuckles at her happiness as she rolls over.

"You were never fat, Stella. I'm going to tell the others you're alive and see if anyone wants to hold the baby-"

"No you're not. As his mother, I forbid him to be held by anyone before I do," she says as he stands up.

"You're too late for that already. I got to hold him. You better not sleep long then because I'm pretty sure my mom and Lindsay want to hold him. But if you're asleep, you'll never know, will you?" he says, walking to the door.

"If I find out that anyone, other than you, held Michael before I did, you are dead, Taylor," she threatens as he closes the door behind him.

_  
"Come on, here's your chance  
Don't let it slip right through your hands  
Are you ready for the ride of your life?  
Your dreams are riding on the wind  
Just reach out and pull them in and  
Get ready for the ride of your life  
The ride of your life"_

"How is she? Did she wake up?" Mac is greeted with many questions.

"Yes, she's fine. She went back to sleep and doesn't want anyone to hold the baby before she does," Lindsay and his mom groan at this. "But since she's asleep you can hold him as long as Stella doesn't find out or she'll kill me."

"Oh, Mac, she wouldn't kill the father of her child," says Mrs. Taylor. The members of the team exchange looks, knowing Stella already has, but she didn't know it at the time. "She loves you too much. We really shouldn't go against her wishes."

"Mom, can I talk to you for a second," Mac asks, and he leads her down the hall away from the group.

"I am not Michael's biological father," he begins.

"What? Is she cheating on you?"

"No, Stella would never do that. Let me tell you what happened. She was going out with this guy, Frankie, and she found out after about a year that he had this website with videos of them sleeping together on it. She broke up with him, and he attacked her. He was going to cut her up, but she escaped the binds when he went to answer the door. She went for her gun, but he took it and tried to shoot. Luckily she had the safety on, and she ended up shooting him to save herself. Stella was really hurt by this, and I realized after all this that I love her. We kind of got together. A couple days later she found out she was pregnant with his child and didn't know what to do. I offered to be the father and asked her to marry me about three weeks later. So we're getting married in five months," Mac says, hoping she understands.

"Congratulations. I thought you'd never get over Claire. And you and Stella are good for one another. I can't believe all that happened to her. You're a great man like your father, Mac; always doing what you thought was right no matter what it was. The rest of your team know this?"

"Yeah, we told them when we went out for a drink about eight months ago because she couldn't drink and lie to them," he says, motioning to walk back to the others.

The doctor comes to talk to Mac soon after.

**---CSI: NY---**

"Mac, he's so cute!" Stella had woken up again and was now holding Michael.

"He gets that from you, Stel. You're beautiful," Mac smiles and wishes he had a camera.

"How much longer do I have to stay here?"

"Two days," Stella moans. "Why do you hate hospitals so much?"

"Since I was here after Frankie attacked me. I didn't want to go home, but I couldn't stay here. I wasn't fond of them before. You want to hold him?" she asks passing Michael to Mac.

"I told my mom that I'm not his father. So I had to tell her about you and Frankie. Mind if I invite the others in to see him."

"Go ahead," Stella takes Michael back and Mac gets the others.

**---CSI: NY---**

"Surprise!" Danny, Lindsay, Hawkes, Flack, and Mac's mom yell when Mac, Stella, and Michael get home from the hospital.

"Here, Stel, have a piece of cake," Danny says, handing her a plate and fork.

"I haven't eaten lunch yet."

"Who cares about eating healthy food when you can have cake?" Flack chimes in.

"I have to be able to fit in my wedding dress in five months, guys," she takes a bite anyway.

"Okay, Mac, you can open the presents while Stella enjoys her cake. She hasn't had decent food in three days," Lindsay hands Mac a couple of packages. Hawkes and Lindsay had each gotten Michael a couple outfits, Danny and Flack a couple of toys he could play with, and Mac's mom a blanket she made and a gift card because she didn't know what else they needed.

"Now for the big surprise. Follow me," Mac's mom gets up and starts to head up the stairs with the others following, Mac, Michael, and Stella bringing up the rear. They exchange a slightly worried look.

"Oh my God, when do you do this between work and visiting me at the hospital?" Stella is awestruck when she walks into Michael's room. It is painted and all set up for him.

"It was mostly Mrs. Taylor, but we all helped when we could," Hawkes says.

"I love it. Thank you so much," Stella goes around hugging everyone.

"Wow, I never suspected any of this. You're all too sneaky," Mac chuckles.

"We learned from the best, both of you," Danny says, and Mac and Stella just smile at each other.

_  
"In your heart, you know what must do  
You've only got yourself to answer to  
Don't let fear of fallen hold you down  
Your spirit's flying high above the clouds  
You're glory bound"_

"I do," Stella says five months later.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride," the pastor says.

"I love you, Stel," Mac says before kissing her.

"I love you too, Mac," Stella whispers as they walk back down the aisle together.

**---CSI: NY---**

"May I have this dance?" Mac asks holding out his hand for Stella.

"Of course you may," she takes his hand and he leads her to the dance floor. As he wraps his arms around her waist and she puts hers around his neck, Stella feels the need to thank him. "Mac, I can't tell you how much this means to me. You've been a great friend since I met you, especially this past year and a half with Frankie and all. I was so relieved when you offered to be Michael's father. I thought you'd never love me, so I stopped revealing my feelings towards you. Now we're married. Thank you so much for all of this, Mac. I'll never be able to repay you for everything you've done for me."

"Stel, I guess I've loved you since Claire past away, but I wasn't ready. When I saw you unconscious in you're apartment, I finally accepted my feelings. This is my way of paying you back for helping me after Claire. And not just because I feel guilty. I love you."

"You're such a great friend, Mac."

"Friends are angels who lift us to out feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly," Mac says, smiling.

"You've been so much more than that to me," Stella kisses his cheek. "My hero."

"Heroes are people who do what has to be done, when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. Actually I guess that does fit me according to what my mom said when I told her about Michael."

"What do you do, memorize the dictionary? But you couldn't. Those definitions are more meaningful than the ones in the dictionary," Stella smiles. "Don't you dare leave me, Mac."

"I'll never leave you, Stella. And you of all people should know that I always keep my promises."

"Of course I know that."

_  
"You are on your way no looking back  
There's no future living in the past  
You're free at last yeah  
You're free at last"_

"No, Michael, eat your spaghetti, don't put it on the floor," Stella says as the family eats dinner; well, Mac and Stella are eating, Michael is putting his food on the floor. Michael laughs as the noodles hit the floor, splattering sauce all over.

"You want me to clean him or the floor?" Mac asks standing up to help her. For now they are both finished eating.

"The floor," Stella says, taking off her jacket and sweater so they don't get stained, leaving her in just an undershirt. "Come on, time for a bath big guy," she picks him up form his high chair and sits him in her chair. She takes off his bib, shirt, and pants. "Wash those too while you're at it."

"Give him a bath, put him to bed, take a nice long, relaxing bath yourself, and come back down here," Mac calls as she heads up the stairs.

"Who are you, my mother?" Stella yells down to him.

**---CSI: NY---**

"Give Daddy a kiss good night," Stella tells Michael as they go back into the kitchen after his bath.

"Good night," Mac kisses Michael on the forehead. "I thought I told you not to come back down here until you have taken a bath."

"I kinda already got one," she indicates her sopping wet shirt and hair. "Who knew how much a little boy could splash in the bath tub?" Mac laughs as she heads upstairs to put her son to bed.

**---CSI: NY---**

"What do you think about getting a dog, Stel?" Mac asks later that night when she was sitting on his lap, wet hair clinging to her skin.

"Why? So you don't have to clean up the food Michael throws on the floor?" Stella asks grinning as he kisses her neck.

"No," he stops to answer. "Every kid deserves to have a dog."

"Fine, just don't get a little one that barks all the time or a big one that will bite his head off."

"I'll get a puppy that grows into a medium size dog or do you have a complaint about them too?"

"No," she elbows him lightly in the stomach for teasing her. "Get a lab or Golden Retriever. And I'll even let you name it so you don't complain that I named my son, planned our wedding, and named your dog."

"Not my dog, our dog, Stel," he corrects kissing the top of her head.

"Whatever," she turns to face him. She smiles as he kisses her lips gently, then a little more forcefully as she kisses him back, her hands now in his hair.

"Ow," he breaks the kiss. Stella looks concerned. "You kneed me."

"Oh, sorry," she says, climbing off of him and onto the couch beside him. "What do you think about having kids of our own?"

"You hated being pregnant because you couldn't work, giving birth you practically lost your life and the baby's, and now we have a son who is very mischievous like his mother. After all that you want to have more kids?" He looks a little scared at the thought.

"Despite all that, it's worth it, Mac. You're a great father to Michael. Are you scared to actually have a child of your own?"

"No, I'm scared of losing you, Stella. After what happened the last time, I … I just can't lose you too," Mac says.

"Mac, that probably won't happen again. First births are harder than second or third births," Mac gives her a quizzical look. "I read a lot of books when I was supposed to be doing paperwork."

"Okay, can we wait another year before we actually try to have more kids? If it happens before then, I guess I'll be okay with it, but-"

"Oh, alright."

"Besides, you've got one hard knee, Stel. It will probably take me a year to recover."

"You're lucky I can't kick you now, Taylor."

_  
"Come on here's your chance  
Don't let it slip right through your hands  
Are you ready for the ride of your life yea  
Your dreams are riding on the wind  
Just reach out and pull them in and  
Get ready for the ride of your life  
Ride of your life  
Come on, come on get ready  
Yea, yea, yea  
Your dreams are riding on the wind  
Just reach out and pull them in  
Get ready for the ride of your life"_


	3. The Other Little Soldier

**Chapter 3: The Other Little Soldier**

"_He used to play in daddy's uniform  
With the stripes across the sleeve  
And he knew when he was all grown up  
What he was gonna be  
He used to like to ambush every careless cat or dog  
That had the nerve to cross the battle lines he had drawn  
And even though he didn't know  
What his dad was fighting for  
He was proud to be the other little soldier  
In this war"_

"Daddy, will you play policemen with me and Fetch?" Mike asks as Stella cleans up the table.

"Alright, maybe Mommy will play with us when she finishes cleaning up."

"We'll make her be the bad guy so we can arrest her," Mike says, leading Mac and the dog into the living room.

"I'll be in in a second. I have to do something first," Stella says, heading to the bathroom with a pregnancy test.

"Okay, I'll hide behind the couch. You hide under the table," Mac orders. "We'll shoot her when she walks in," he ducks into position.

"Fetch, go hide with Daddy."

"Okay, Fetch, when she enters, go get her. Mike and I will bring her down."

A few moments later Stella enters looking quite happy. Fetch leaps out and jumps on her, licking her face, while Mac and Mike pin her hands behind her back. "You're under arrest," Mike says.

"Okay, Mike, you can let her go now," Mac says, laughing. "So?"

"It was positive," Stella hugs him.

"What was positive?" Michael asks curiously.

"Your mom's going to have a baby. You'll have a little brother or sister shortly after your next birthday."

"Wow, I'm gonna be a big brother."

"Okay, I think it's time for a bath before bed, Mike," Stella says.

"Can you tell me a story before I go to sleep?"

"Sure."

"One about you and Daddy catching a bad guy?"

"Okay," Stella says carrying him upstairs.

**---CSI: NY---**

"I hope we have a girl this time," Stella says as they sit on the couch eating ice cream later that night.

"Of course you still want a girl. Michael sure seems excited to become a big brother."

"Yeah, he'll probably wake up every morning and ask me if the baby's coming today. He told me after I finished with the story that he wants to be just like you and I."

"Cute. Ready for bed?" Mac asks picking her up off the couch.

_  
"The phone rang in the middle of the night  
When they called his dad to go  
Kissed him and his mom goodbye  
And said God I love you both  
Now I know that it's a lot to ask of such a little man  
But hold the fort and  
I'll be home as quickly as I can  
And even though he didn't know  
What his dad was fighting for  
He was proud to be the other little soldier  
In this war"  
_

"Mommy, wake up," Mike says, shaking her arm. "I had a bad dream."

"Come here," Stella lifts him and puts him in the bed between her and Mac.

"You and Daddy were chasing a bad guy and he had a gun and he shot you and then Daddy and you both died and I was all alone. But then Danny and Lindsay adopted me and I had a family again, but I missed you."

"Geez, Stel, what story did you tell him?" Mac asks, waking up in the middle of Mike telling about his dream.

"Why don't we all go back to sleep? Don't worry, Michael, we're right here with you," Stella says, and they all go back to bed, only to be woken up again three hours later when Mac's cell phone rings.

"Taylor," he says, getting up. "Okay, I'll be there in twenty minutes." Mac goes to take a quick shower and get dressed. "See you two later. I love you. Take care of your mother while I'm gone," he says, kissing them both.

"They don't need me?" Stella says sleepily.

"No, well yes, but they got someone else because we don't have anyone to watch Michael right now. See you in a few hours."

"Where did Daddy go?" Michael asks when he hears the door close.

"He had a case. Go back to sleep."

_  
"A wall cannot begin to hold  
The names of all the kids  
Who gave the great sacrifice  
That any child could give  
It was the first time he had ever seen  
A flag from up that close  
And he watched them as  
They folded it so careful and so slow  
As they gave it to his mother  
He knew what he should do  
He raised his little hand and  
Gave his Dad one last solute"  
_

"Cinnamon on your toast?" Stella asks as she butters Mike's toast that morning.

"Yes, please," she does so and hands it to him, then pours herself a cup of coffee and turns on the news.

'_Our top story this morning involves a detective who was shot while processing a crime scene. Officials say the man was shot in the heart and died on the way to the hospital. His name will not be released until the attacker is found.'_ The door bell rings, and Stella misses the last part of the story to go answer it.

"Hey, Flack, what are you doing here?"

"Hi, Flack," Mike comes running from the kitchen when he hears Stella say Flack and jumps in his arms.

"Hey, little guy, how are you doing? Why don't you go turn on some cartoons while I talk to your mother for a second?" Flack says, putting Mike down, and he runs back in to watch Spongebob.

"Why don't we have a seat, Stel?" he says, leading her to the couch.

"I going to blame you if I'm late for work," she teases.

"Stella," he says, instantly turning serious. "I'm not sure how to tell you this."

"Was Mac hurt this morning?"

"Uh, kind of. He was shot while processing the crime scene we called him to this morning. One bullet hit him in the heart, and Hawkes was there and he did everything he could to try to save him," Don explains. Stella breaks down, knowing he didn't survive. "Stel, he died from loss of blood. We're doing everything we can to find the guy who shot him."

"No, he said he'd never leave me," she cries and Flack hugs her, knowing he's not really comforting her. "How am I going to tell Michael his father is dead?" and as if on cue Mike walks in.

"What's wrong?" he asks when he sees Stella crying.

"You want me to tell him, Stel?" Don asks, putting Mike in his lap.

"Yeah," he hears her sob.

"Mike, you know how sometimes officers get hurt when they're after a criminal, but the good guys always win no matter what happens?" Mike nods and he continues. "Well, your father was shot this morning, and Hawkes, he's a doctor, well he tried his best to save him, but he couldn't. We're going to get the guy who killed Mac and put him in jail until he dies."

"But I thought doctors always save people," Mike says, now confused.

"Well, most of the time they do."

"Then why didn't Hawkes save my dad?"

"'Cause that SOB had one hell of a shot and hit your dad right in the heart so he would die."

"Flack, watch your language; he's only four. If you'll excuse me I need to get to work," Stella says, tears still streaming down her cheeks.

"Stel, you just lost your husband. You don't have to work. So you know you'll be taking over Mac's position as Supervisor. Let me drive you if you insist," he offers as Stella grabs her bag.

"I can't help it, Flack. If I had been the one who died, Mac would be doing the same."

"Well, if I remember right you told him not to bury himself in work right after Claire died. You're just like him."

"Why is it that any man that gets me pregnant dies right after?" she says, sinking down to the floor.

"You're pregnant, Stel? Look, I'm sorry," he pulls her up.

"There's nothing you could have done."

**---CSI: NY---**

The whole department, aside from those who had to work, was at Mac's funeral. Many people spoke about him and how great he was, including their team, aside from Stella, who couldn't stop crying. He had an American flag on his casket that was folded very neatly and given to Stella before they put him in the ground. As the casket was lowered, Michael gave his dad one last solute. If it weren't so depressing, it would have been cute.

**---CSI: NY---**

Mac's mother stayed with Stella and Mike for a few days after the funeral. When Stella went to tuck Mike in one night, she stopped in the doorway at the sight. Michael was praying.

"Dad, I miss you so much already and I know mom does too. She can't stop crying. Please watch over us from up there. I know you can still see us. I'll try my best to protect mommy. She needs your help. If there's anything you can do to help her, I'd really appreciate it. Thank you for everything. I know they'll get the guy that shot you. I want to be just like you when I grow up. I love you a lot," and for the first time since his father's death, Mike cries with his mother.

"Mom, don't worry. Daddy can see us in heaven. You still have me and the baby when it comes. I love you," he kisses her cheek and she hugs him tightly to her. They end up falling asleep together in his bed.

_  
"And even though he didn't know  
What his dad was fighting for  
He was proud to be the other little soldier  
He was proud to be the other little soldier  
In this war"_

**A/N: "The other little soldier" by Josh Gracin. I kind of have an idea of what I'm going to have happen next, but I don't have all the details down. I won't be able to update until the weekend because I'll be on a field trip in Washington DC for school. I'm pretty sure there will be at least two more chapters. Sorry for killing Mac, but I had to. Please tell me what you think. Thanks for reading!**


	4. Holes

**Chapter 4: Holes**

"_There's three in the wall from those pictures in the closet  
Two in the bedroom from that night I lost it  
One deep inside me determined to stay  
They don't get any bigger but they don't go away  
Holes in and around me I keep falling back into  
Holes dig in and surround me  
God knows what I'm gonna do  
To fill in these holes left by you  
Left by you"  
_

"Go ahead, let it all out, Stella," Lindsay hugs Stella, rubbing her back soothingly. It has only been a week since the funeral and Stella was doing her best to supervise the team and raise Michael. She had been able to process scenes and evidence without breaking down, but when it came to interrogation and free time in Mac's- no, her- office, she lost it. Most nights Stella cried herself to sleep, sometimes with Michael in her bed. "It's okay, Stel. Everything will be alright," Lindsay had been interrogating a suspect with Stella when she started crying. "It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone- but it takes a lifetime to forget someone."

"Stel, we don't want you to forget him. Why don't you take a couple of days off and spend time with Mike? We'll be fine here," Danny walk up to the two ladies.

"I can't stand to be in that house," Stella mumbles as Danny takes her in his arms.

Flack sees them as he is walking to the interrogation rooms. The guy who shot Mac was just brought in, and he figures Stella might want to talk to him. "Hey, Stella, I've got good news."

"This is all a dream and Mac is still alive?" she asks, accepting a box of tissues Lindsay is holding out for her.

"No, I'm sorry that it is not. We got the bastard that shot Mac. Would you like to talk to him?"

"Yeah, can you give me a few minutes?" Flack nods and leads her to interrogation when she is ready.

**---CSI: NY---**

"Hi, Detective Taylor," the man says when Stella enters. "You were the next one on my list. I was going to let you see your Mac again."

Stella's eyes tear up at the mention of Mac, and she has to fight to hold them back for she doesn't want him to see her cry. "Why the hell did you kill my husband, you son of a bitch?"

"He deserved it after locking my brother up a couple years ago. You too for helping him."

"Revenge was your whole motive. You didn't care who was hurt as long as Mac paid for what he did. My son now has no father, and my baby won't ever have a chance to know its father at all because of you. I can't begin to explain how I feel after losing Mac. Flack, lock him up," Stella says, letting the tears fall again.

"I will kill you. I'll break free from this prison and kill you. Soon you will see your precious Mac again. I'd be crying if I were you too," he yells as he is dragged to booking.

"You okay?" Flack asks.

"No worse than I was before. Can you please tell the others I'd like to be left alone for awhile?"

"Sure, anything, Stel."

_  
"I pour drink after drink but nothing hit bottom  
I've been on my knees admitted my problem  
The love that we made still barely an echo  
I'll try anything in these vacant hollow  
Holes in and around me I keep falling back into  
Holes dig and surround me  
God knows what I'm gonna do  
To fill in these holes left by you  
Left by you"  
_

Stella went straight to Mac's- no, her- office. She just wanted to be left alone, didn't want anyone to comfort her while she cried, and wept her heart out. Everyone glanced at her through the glass walls, and Stella knew she was being watched, but couldn't hold it in any longer. It seemed like it should get easier, now that the guy that killed Mac was in custody, but it didn't feel any easier. If anything Stella missed Mac more than ever. She sat in his chair- _'screw it, the whole office will always be Mac's,'_ she thought- and cried so hard that she didn't hear the door open or the police chief walk into the room.

"Uh, Stella," he begins, trying to get her attention.

"I thought I told you all to let me be for a while. I can take care of myself," she says, somewhat angrily. When she looked up and saw the chief, she was embarrassed. "Sorry, I didn't know it was you."

"Stella, we need to talk. I can't have you here at the lab or in the department crying all day over Mac. I know, we're all still grieving him, but every time I see you, you're crying."

"Excuse me, but Mac was my husband and best friend. He's the only one I have ever been close to in my life," she wipes the trail of tears from her face.

"Stella, if you can't control the crying, take some time off until you can. I understand your situation, but you're jeopardizing the lab. Spend some time with your son, speaking of which, how is he doing?"

"Better than I am. I can't stand to be in Mac's house, near anything that reminds me of him."

"I suggest you go home for a few days and clean. Throw away or pack anything that reminds you of Mac-"

"I can't do that. What would Mike think if I got rid of all memories of his dad?"

"Stel, I order you to take the rest of the week off. The team will be fine without you for five days. Take some time for yourself. I'll see you Monday, and you had best not be crying or I'll send you home again," he left the office.

Stella got up to grab her bag. How was she to do this?

"Stella, where are you going?" Sheldon appears in her doorway.

"I've been ordered to leave until Monday and it will be longer if I don't stop crying."

"Maybe it's for the best. See you Monday and take care of yourself. You don't want to lose the baby."

_  
"There's two through my hands and one through my feet  
From this cross that I bare to the day that I see  
Its guilt and its blame its shame and its hell_

_Seeking the truth, I dug them myself"_

"Mom, what are you doing?" Mike asks Stella. She is sitting in the closet looking and packing away almost everything she finds.

"Cleaning. My boss told me to get rid of everything that reminds me of Mac. I can't go back to work until I stop crying over him," Stella replies, taking down a few more boxes from the shelf to go through and probably put in the attic.

"Are you going to get rid of me?" Mike asks.

"Of course not. I love you, Mike."

"Do you want me to help you?" he asks, coming to sit next to her.

"If you want."

"Are you throwing all of this away?"

"No, I'm going to have Danny, Flack, and Hawkes come over and help me put it in the attic. Why don't you go get that box and we'll go through it?" she says, pointing one out as he stands up. Mike pushes it over to her. "You want some lemonade? I'm getting thirsty."

"Yeah, and some cookies please," Mike gives her a big smile, which in turn makes her smile, probably the first time since Mac's death.

When she returns with the lemonade and cookies, Mike is sitting next to the box, now open. He has a few pictures in his hand. "Who is this with you?" he asks as she sits down next to him.

Stella glances at the pictures and is horrified. She thought she got rid of everything that was his. "That's Frankie." All the memories of that night come flooding back to her.

"Who's Frankie?" Mike asks, taking a bit out of a chocolate chip cookie.

"_All these Holes dig and surround me  
God knows what I'm gonna do  
To fill in these holes left by you  
Left by you_

_Left by you_

_Left by you"_

**A/N: "Holes" by Rascal Flatts. Sorry for taking so long to update. I'm still writing the next chapter, but I'll get it up as soon as I can. Please review. I hope you liked it.**


	5. Half Life

**Chapter 5: Half-Life**

"_I'm awake in the afternoon  
I fell asleep in the living room  
and it's one of those moments  
when everything is so clear  
before the truth goes back into hiding  
I want to decide 'cause it's worth deciding  
to work on finding something more than this fear  
It takes so much out of me to pretend  
tell me now, tell me how to make amends"  
_

"Who's Frankie?" Mike repeated when Stella didn't reply.

"Frankie is, um, he was… one of my old boyfriends. He's… Frankie is your dad, Michael."

"Wow, I have two dads. Can I meet him?" Mike asks crawling into Stella's lap.

"Well, not exactly. He's… dead. Why don't we go sit on the couch, and I'll try to explain it to you?" Stella picks up Mike, and they go sit on the couch instead of on the floor of the closet.

"Why is Frankie dead?" Mike asks, eating another cookie.

"I'll explain that when I get there, but I'm going to start at the beginning."

"Good, because the beginning is the best place to start a story."

"Okay, Mac and I started working together about twelve years ago. He was married to this woman, Claire, but I still loved him. In 2001, Claire was in the towers when they were hit by the planes, and she died. Mac was heartbroken, and I helped him the best I could. It seemed like he'd never get over Claire, so I gave up on being with him. I met Frankie, and we started going out. I loved him, but about a year later, I discovered that he was not a good man and broke up with him."

"Why wasn't he a good man?" Mike asks, eyes wide with curiosity.

"Frankie was…," Stella stops, realizing she can't tell him that Frankie put videos of them sleeping together on the internet. He wouldn't know what 'sleeping together' meant, but he'd ask. "He was stalking me," Stella was still telling the truth, just not all of it.

_  
"Maybe, I need to see the daylight  
to leave behind this half-life  
don't you see I'm breaking down  
lately, something here don't feel right  
this is just a half-life  
is there really no escape?  
no escape from time  
of any kind"  
_

"So, when I went back to my apartment, he was there, fixing dinner. I kept telling him to leave and tried to call the police when he wouldn't. Frankie ripped my phone out and threw my cell on the ground and pinned me to a wall. I fought to get away, and he pulled a knife. He practically dragged me by my hair to see this stupid statue he made that I threw out. Frankie threw me on the bed and tied my hands and ankles together. I begged him to let me go by telling him I loved him, but he didn't believe me and knocked me out. When I came to, he dragged me to the bathroom, and he was going to cut me up. The door bell rang, and while he was gone I used my razor blade to free myself. I didn't have enough time to get out so I hid behind the door and knocked it into him. Instead of just getting out of there, I went for my gun in my purse. Frankie jumped on me, knocking the gun out of my hands. He grabbed it and tried to shoot, but the safety was on. If it wasn't on, then I would have died. I took it from him and shot him three times in the chest," Stella starts crying again, but not because of Mac.

"You killed Frankie?" Mike asks.

"Yes, to save my life and yours, although I didn't know it then. I'm sorry, Mike."

"When did you and Mac get together?" Mike asks.

"I'm getting there. You sure have a lot of questions. I wasn't planning on telling you this until you were older."

_  
"I keep trying to understand  
this thing and that thing, my fellow man  
I guess I'll let you know  
when I figure it out  
but I don't mind a few mysteries  
they can stay that way it's fine by me  
and you are another mystery I am missing  
It takes so much out of me to pretend"  
_

"Mac and Don came and found me in my apartment, and I was taken to the hospital. They did an investigation, and I was cleared from charge for killing Frankie, because I was defending myself. Mac was going to get me a hotel room, because my place wasn't cleaned, but I insisted on going home. I couldn't handle all the blood, so I ended up staying with Mac until my place was clean. He came over one night and told me he had just talked to Claire."

"How can you talk to a dead person?"

"Well by praying, like you did the other night," Stella answers.

"Oh, you can finish now. Is the story almost over?"

"Yes. Mac told me he was ready to move on, and he wanted to be with me, but thought I wasn't ready to be in another relationship after what Frankie did. We ended up going out, and Hawkes kept teasing us-"

"Hawkes always teases you."

"Yeah, he's kind of annoying, but I still like him," Stella says kissing his forehead.

"Kind of like me. You and Hawkes should get married."

"What!"

"Well, if you like him, and he likes you, you should get married, right?" Mike asks.

"No, and you're not annoying, just mischievous, but I guess I have myself to blame for that. Anyway, soon after I found out I was pregnant with you."

"Really? Are you sure Mac's not my dad?" he interrupts again.

"Yes, I'm pretty sure."

_  
"Maybe, I need to see the daylight  
to leave behind this half-life  
don't you see I'm breaking down  
Lately, something here don't feel right  
this is just a half-life  
is there really no escape?  
no escape from time  
of any kind  
come on lets fall in love  
come on lets fall in love  
come on lets fall in love  
again"  
_

"Why do I call Mac dad then?"

"Well, I was really upset when I found out Frankie got me pregnant. Mac convinced me to let him be the father, because I didn't have Frankie, but he wouldn't have been half the father Mac was. Mac proposed to me a few weeks later, and I said yes."

"What's proposed?"

"It means Mac asked me to marry him."

"Okay, so then you got married and had me and then you got pregnant again and Mac died too, so now I have no dad at all."

"Well, I had you before I got married. Actually, both of us almost died when I had you."

"Then I don't want you to have another baby. You can't die too," he says, hugging her as tight as his little arms can.

"Is that why you want Hawkes and me to get married? So you have a dad?" Stella asks, and Mike nods. "Mike, I'm sorry I killed Frankie, and I'm sorry I wasn't there to watch Mac's back."

"It's okay. Are you done crying now?"

"Well, for tonight I think I am. It's getting late; we should go to sleep," she says, picking him up.

"Can I sleep with you again tonight?" he asks quietly.

"Alright, but you have to put your pajamas on first."

"I can do it all by myself."

**---CSI: NY---**

Ten minutes later in bed:

"Mom, are you still going to put all dad's stuff in the attic?"

"We'll see in the morning. I'll probably give away most of the clothes and put some of the other stuff in the attic and leave some down us for us to remember him," she replies.

"Can I keep that box with the pictures of you and Frankie and other stuff of his?"

"Yes, I'd rather throw it away, but I'll let you keep something of your father's. I'm not sure why I still have that stuff anyway."

"Mom?"

"Hm?"

"I love you."

"I love you too. Good night," and for the first time since Mac died, Stella does not cry herself to sleep.

_  
"'Cause lately something here don't feel right  
this is just a half-life,   
without you I am breaking down  
wake me, let me see the daylight  
save me from this half-life  
let's you and I escape  
escape from time  
come on lets fall in love  
come on lets fall in love  
come on lets fall in love  
again"_

**A/N: "Half-Life" Duncan Sheik. Sorry it took me so long to update. School ends tomorrow, so I should have more time to write and update until band starts. I hope you like the story. I'm still writing the next chapter, but I'll get it up as soon as I can.**


	6. Stand

**Chapter 6: Stand**

"_You feel like a candle in a hurricane  
Just like a picture with a broken frame  
Alone and helpless like you've lost your fight  
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright"  
_

"Montana, Flack, are you going with us?" Danny asks, Hawkes behind him in the doorway of the lab.

"Where you going?"

"To check on Stella."

"Danny, if she wanted us to care for her, she would have asked. Leave her alone," Lindsay says, glaring at him.

"I'll go," Flack says, walking over to the guys.

"Montana, you know how independent she is. Even if Stella wanted out help, she wouldn't ask. For all we know she could have committed suicide. You're the only female here; you've gotta go because she might not want to talk to one of us guys."

"Fine," she says, pulling off her lab coat.

**---CSI: NY---**

"Hi, Lindsay, Danny, Hawkes, and Flack," Mike says, opening the door.

"Hey, little guy, where's your mother?" Danny asks, messing his hair up.

"Upstairs, sleeping. She wasn't feeling good."

"Lindsay, you go up and make sure she's okay. We'll be up in a few minutes," Flack says.

Lindsay glares at them for making her go up. "Oh, make me care for the sick and grieving. You've all known her longer than I have." She tries to look cheerful as she walks into Stella's room.

"What are you doing here?" The pain in Stella's stomach was so bad she now couldn't sleep.

"Just came with the guys to make sure you're okay. Sorry to wake you."

"I was awake before you came. Can't sleep."

"Mike said you weren't feeling good," Lindsay looks concerned. "You think it's the baby? We can take you to the hospital if you want," she offers.

"No, I'm-OW!" Stella screams, clutching her stomach.

"Stel, you're going to the hospital whether you want to or not."

_  
"Cause when push comes to shove  
You taste what you're made of  
You might bend 'til you break  
Cause it's all you can take  
On your knees you look up  
Decide you've had enough  
You get mad, you get strong  
Wipe your hands, shake it off  
Then you stand, then you stand"  
_

"I can't reveal conditions to anyone except family. I'm sorry," the doctor says to Hawkes and Lindsay.

"We have a little problem with that. She was in the system so she has no family. Her husband was murdered a couple weeks ago, and her son is too young to understand anything you tell him. Basically, we are her family and I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you tell us," Sheldon argues.

"Fine. You are really detectives, right?" they nod. "Stella lost the baby. It's not uncommon. She should be fine in a few days. We told her, but she's still kind of out of it."

"Oh no, first Mac, then this. You know she'll blame herself for this. It's such bad timing," Lindsay says, getting worked up again.

"This probably has something to do with her behavior after losing Mac."

"I'll call the others and tell them," Lindsay offers, heading to the nearest exit as she pulls her phone out. "You go see Stella."

_  
"Life's like a novel with the end ripped out  
The edge of canyon with only one way down  
Take what you're given before it's gone  
And start holdin' on, keep holdin' on"  
_

"Two balloons, please," the vendor takes the money from Stella and hands Mike the strings to the balloons. "Thanks."

"What are we going to do with the balloons?" Mike asks as they walk over to an open area in Central Park.

"I saw this on a TV show. This lady lost her baby and some guy her husband hired gave her a balloon to release. It represented the child and how she was moving on with her life," Stella explains.

"Why do we have two balloons if there was only one baby?"

"One for the baby and one for Mac."

"Oh."

"One three we'll each release a balloon, okay?"

"Okay, one… two…," Mike starts.

"Three," both say as they let go of the balloons.

"Bye, baby. Bye, Dad," Mike whispers.

"I'm sorry I lost the baby, Mac. Bye," Stella has tears in her eyes as she lets go of her baby and Mac. "I will always love you," a single tear rolls down her cheek.

"Are you okay?" Mike asks, looking up at his mother.

"Yes, let's go home." Mike takes her hand and together they walk home.

_  
"Every time you get up and get back in the race  
One more small piece of you starts to fall into place – yeah"  
_

"How's Mike doing without Mac?" Lindsay asks as she and Stella work in the lab when Stella comes back to work.

"Okay. I know he's kind of upset that both his fathers are dead."

"You told him about Frankie?"

"Yeah. We were cleaning and he found a box of pictures of Frankie and I that I don't know why I kept. Mike said the weirdest thing when I mentioned something about Hawkes. Well, now looking back on it, it's still odd, but I can see his point," Stella says.

"What did he say?"

"I'll tell you if you promise not to tell the guys, especially Hawkes."

"I won't."

"Mike thinks Hawkes and I should get married."

"What!"

"That's what I thought too. I think he just want a dad," Stella says going back to work.

Lindsay knows she shouldn't, but she can't resist. After Stella leaves, she tells Danny. And we all know how fast word can travel, and how every time it is told, it gets farther and farther from the truth.

_  
"Cause when push comes to shove  
You taste what you're made of  
You might bend 'til you break  
Cause it's all you can take  
On your knees you look up  
Decide you've had enough  
You get mad, you get strong  
Wipe your hands, shake it off  
Then you stand, then you stand  
Yeah, then you stand – yeah  
Yeah, Baby  
WOO HOO, WOO HOO, WOO HOO-  
Then you stand – Yeah, Yeah"_

**A/N: "Stand" Rascal Flatts. I just realized I use a lot of Rascal Flatts songs in my stories. I've had this chapter written for a while and I have been too lazy to type it. Still working on next chapter. Please tell me what you think. Oh, the little balloon releasing thing is from Desperate Housewives when Gabby lost her baby after she fell down the stairs. Thanks for reading.**


	7. All You Wanted

**Chapter 7: All You Wanted**

"_I wanted to be like you  
I wanted everything  
So I tried to be like you  
And I got swept away  
I didn't know that it was so cold  
And you needed someone  
to show you the way  
So I took your hand and we figured out  
That when the time comes  
I'd take you away"  
_

"Watching Stella again, are you, Mac?" Claire asks, coming to stand next to him.

"Yeah, I wish I could still be there with her, but then I wouldn't have you again. She needs someone to help her," Mac says, putting his arm around Claire.

"You already gave Stella what you could, and she helped you in return. Some one will help her; I'm betting on that Hawkes fellow you worked with," she says with a smile.

"I've noticed he seems to like her. He teased us for a long time about getting together so quickly after Frankie. And then with the baby."

"How old is Mike? Four?"

"Yes."

"Mac, you helped her after she was attacked by Frankie. You gave her son a father, even if it was only for a little while. You did what you could," Claire says, kissing his cheek softly.

"I miss her as much as I missed you. I can't stand to see her in pain. Especially when I caused it. Hey, speaking of Frankie, is he here?" Mac asks, many ideas popping into his head on how to make Frankie pay for hurting Stella.

"I haven't seen him. After what he did, he's probably down below," Claire answers.

"That's where he belongs, but he wasn't a bad person as far as I could tell before he attacked her," Mac says. "Dinner almost ready? I'm starving."

"Yes. What about the videos?"

"What videos?" Mac asks.

"The ones Frankie was putting on his website of them sleeping together. After that I don't think he's here," Claire says as they go back to there house.

"You're probably right," Mac takes one last look at Stella and Michael for the day.

_  
"If you want to  
I can save you  
I can take you away from here  
So lonely inside  
So busy out there  
And all you wanted  
was somebody who cares"  
_

"Hey, anything new?" Stella asks as she enters the break room the next morning.

"No," they all answer oddly at the same time.

"Okay, not going to ask what you're up to. Danny and Lindsay, you are working with Flack on a robbery. Hawkes, you and I have a homicide. Meet me at the car in five," and she walks to her office.

"Hawkes, don't mention anything to her, and I mean it. If she finds out, I'm dead; we're all dead for telling the entire lab and department. Not one single comment about it. Got it?" Lindsay threatens.

"Linds, she'll find out eventually. Someone's going to let it slip or make a joke of it," he calls over his shoulder as he heads to the car.

**---CSI: NY---**

"Hey, Stella, Hawkes, when's the wedding?" Sid asks as they enter the morgue.

"What are you talking about?" Stella asks.

"I heard you two were getting married. Or is that just a rumor?"

"No, Sid, Hawkes and I aren't even going out. I've got to go find Lindsay. Sheldon, meet me in my office when you're done here. And please, Sid, can you stop any rumors you hear?" Stella storms back to the lab, quite annoyed with her team.

"I hear you're looking for a father for Mike-"

"No, you can't be my husband, Adam. And everything you hear isn't true. Hey, Lindsay, can I talk to you for a second?" Stella calls when she finally spots her.

"Um, sure," she calls back. "How did she find out?" she whispers to Danny.

"And Danny, I suggest you start making you way to my office as well," Stella says.

"Alright, who did you tell?" Stella asks when they are in her office.

"Just Danny and Flack, but I think some of the techs overheard. And then word just spread, and the truth was stretched. I swear I didn't tell anyone outside our team or Hawkes," Lindsay says, somewhat pathetically because she knows she'll get in trouble anyway. Danny and Hawkes enter, and Flack comes in a few minutes later.

"Who told anyone outside our team this… this… what I told Lindsay yesterday?' Stella asks. No one responds. "Okay, I'm going to assume Lindsay was telling the truth. I'm guessing Sheldon found out from a tech."

"Yes, I didn't know my name was even mentioned until Lindsay told me this morning when I asked what everyone was talking about."

"All of you go back to work. And tell everyone I am perfectly fine and do not need a husband. And Sheldon and I are not getting married," Stella says, sitting down in her chair in frustration. They all mutter apologies to her as they leave.

_  
"I'm sinking slowly  
So hurry hold me  
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on  
Please can you tell me  
So I can finally see  
Where you go when you're gone"  
_

"Good night, Mike. I love you," Stella kisses him good night as the doorbell rings.

"I love you too," Mike says before she goes down to answer it.

"Hey, Hawkes."

"Hi, sorry for coming so late. Can I talk to you?" he asks, somewhat shyly.

"Yeah, I just put Mike to bed so…," she trails off.

"Thanks," Sheldon says, stepping inside.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"Water. Stel, you don't have to act all formal for me," he teases. She gives a mischievous look when she returns with his glass of water.

"Sheldon, I'm sorry about everything at the lab. I knew I couldn't trust any of you to keep your mouths shut."

"Stella, did Mike really say that? It's not that I don't believe you, but that's just… an odd thing for him to say," he laughs as she nods. "Stel, I've got no idea how to tell you this. I don't want to rush you into something you don't need. I'm just going to throw it out there. I love you. I don't know how you feel or whether you would want to be with me so soon after Mac past," Hawkes says, not looking at her. "So I guess what I'm trying to say is, would you like to go on a date with me?"

"I… I'd like to take you up on that offer. But it's too soon after Mac, and I'm not going into another relationship so soon after losing him. I'm surprised that, knowing every man I've had a serious relationship dies, you would want to…"

"Start a relationship with you?" he asks. "But you're not surprised that I love you?"

"No, after all your teasing I knew. Look, I'm hoping I won't regret this, but I'll go out with you if your offer is still open," Stella says.

_  
"All you wanted was somebody who cares  
If you need me you know I'll be there  
Oh, yeah  
If you want to  
I can save you  
I can take you away from here  
So lonely inside  
So busy out there  
And all you wanted  
was somebody who cares"  
_

"Of course it is. And we'll take it as slow as you need to. But can we keep this to ourselves for a while so we don't have more rumors about us getting married?" he asks, hugging her.

"Yes. Thanks for understanding. I think Mike does need a father."

"Well you grew up with no parents and look how you turned out," he smiles as she pulls away.

"Sorry, I don't like talking about it."

"It's fine. I understand as long as you weren't some criminal or bully," he teases.

"Of course I wasn't," she punches him in the arm. "Thanks. Most guys would just say forget it and leave."

"You punch hard," she grins. "Well this is going to be quite entertaining. I knew you were different from most women I've met, but-"

"Hawkes, what are you doing here?" Mike asks.

"What are you doing up?" Stella asks him.

"I couldn't sleep so I went to see if you were in bed yet and when I didn't find you I was worried that the person at the door kidnapped you and came to see if you were down here," Mike says, climbing into her lap.

"I'm fine," she reassures him.

"Do I look like a kidnapper to you? I just wanted to talk to your mom," Hawkes says. "Now, how about you go back to bed. I'll go tuck you in."

"Okay," Mike says taking Hawkes hand.

A few minutes later Hawkes sits back on the couch beside Stella. "Well, he said it again," Hawkes tells her.

"Hm?"

"He thinks we should get married."

"Oh. And what did you tell him?"

"That someday that just might happen," Hawkes says, smiling at her.

"Now he's going to ask me every morning if we're getting married," she goes to punch him again, but he grabs her hand and kisses it.

"I must be going unless you're going to let me sleep with you-"

"What! Hawkes, you are not getting in bed with me," Stella laughs. He pretends to look hurt. "But you can stay here for a while and watch TV with me. Most likely I'll fall asleep on top of you, and you won't be able to leave."

He sits and pulls her into his lap. "I guess this will have to do for now," he says as she turns on the TV. Hawkes gently kisses her temple as she settles into his lap, finally deciding on some romance movie.

"_If you want to  
I can save you  
I can take you away from here  
So lonely inside  
So busy out there  
And all you wanted  
was somebody who cares  
Please can you tell me  
So I can finally see  
Where you go when you're gone"_

**A/N: "All You Wanted" by Michelle Branch. I gave you a little twist in the story. I hope you liked it. Still more to come when I finish the next chapter. Please review and tell me what you think.**


	8. Show Me the Way to Your Heart

**Chapter 8: Show Me the Way to Your Heart**

"_I've been trying to break down your walls  
But I don't know how to get through  
You say that you want me  
You say that you need me  
But baby, I need more from you"  
_

"Hawkes, what are you still doing here?" Mike asks when he sees Stella and Hawkes sleeping on the couch together.

"What time is it?" he mumbles.

"Seven," Mike answers.

"Oh no, I've got to go," he says, gently moving Stella so he could leave. "Wake your mom up and tell her I'll see her in a couple hours."

"Mom, mom, wake up. It's seven. You're going to be late for work," Mike says, shaking her gently.

"Where'd Hawkes go?" Stella says, finally waking up. "Damn it. I've got to go get a quick shower. Can you please get yourself dressed and make yourself breakfast?" she asks, running up the stairs.

"Yeah, Hawkes went home. He told me to tell you that he'd see you in a couple hours," Mike calls to her.

**---CSI: NY---**

"I'll pick you up at seven for dinner," Sheldon whispers to Stella as she pours herself a cup of coffee. "I think you should wear a skirt, keep on the sweater you're wearing, no jacket. And no Mike."

"What do you want me to do with him?" she asks as he puts his arms around her waist.

"Tell one of the guys you've got a date and see if they'll watch him."

"What happens when I bring my date home? I thought we weren't going to tell everyone right away," Stella turns in him arms and kisses his cheek softly.

"Well, that's going to be hard to do. I have to work with you. No way I'm going to be able to concentrate on solving crimes with such a beautiful woman next to me," he kisses her lips, short and sweet until he knows she could handle more, preferably not in front of the whole lab.

"They always say office relationships don't work," Stella whispers, pulling out of his arms.

"You and Mac made it work. We can too. See you tonight."

_  
"You've gotta take my hand  
And lead me to where you are  
You know I'll follow  
To show me the way to your heart"  
_

"Danny, can you watch Mike tonight?" Stella asks as they walk out of the lab together.

"Sure, you got a hot date or something?" he teases.

"Yeah, I guess you could call it that."

"What's his name?"

"I can't tell you that."

"Why not? Do I know him?" Danny asks, enjoying their little conversation.

"Yes."

"Not one of the lab techs. Or is it Hammerback?"

"He's got to be like fifteen years older than me, Danny, of course not. Be at my house ay six-fifty. If you're lucky, you might meet him."

**---CSI: NY---**

Stella stood in her bathroom, changing her earrings and putting on a necklace Mac had given her on her birthday last year.

"Are you and Hawkes going on a date?" Mike asks, coming into the bathroom.

"Yes. Danny is going to watch you."

"I don't get to go!"

"No, silly. It will be way past your bed time when I get back."

"You look pretty."

"Thanks." The doorbell rings. "Why don't you go get that? I bet it's Danny," Stella says, making sure she looks okay before heading down the stairs.

"Hey, Stel, wow, you look beautiful. Whoever your date is is very lucky," Danny says, hugging her.

"Thanks for watching him."

"Her date is Hawkes," Mike cuts in.

"What! You and Hawkes? Well, he's a great guy. So I've only played babysitter a few times. Bed time?"

"Nine."

"Anything else I need to know?"

"You know my number. He can have snack before bed. No, I don't think so. Behave yourself, Mike," Stella says.

"I wish I was your date," Danny says.

"Ask Lindsay out."

"What, you don't like me?"

"Of course I like you, Danny. Everyone can tell you like each other," Stella puts a hand on his arm.

"Seriously?"

"Yes," Stella answers as the doorbell rings again.

_  
"I know it's hard for you to trust again  
But you've just got to believe  
I will never lie to you  
And I will never hurt you  
Baby, I'm asking please"  
_

"Hello, Stella. You look gorgeous," Hawkes says when she opens the door. Stella blushes a little as he takes her hand and kisses it. "Ready?" he asks.

"Behave yourselves," Stella says.

"Have a good time," Danny calls as she closes the door. "Okay, what are we going to do first?"

"Eat all the ice cream we can!"

"No, how about we plat a game, and then have a bowl of ice cream? Let's play cards."

"Fine. Go Fish?" Mike asks as he gets out a deck.

"Crazy Eights," Danny says, taking the cards to shuffle.

"I don't know how to play that."

"I'll teach you," he deals the cards and puts the stack in between them, flipping over the top card. "See you need either the same number, seven, or suit, such as spades. Or if you have an eight, you can change the suit. You draw from the pile if you don't have anything to put down until you find a card that fits. First one to get rid of all their card wins. I'll help you the first game," Danny explains. "Do you get it?"

"Yes, kind of. Do you think my mom and Hawkes will get married?"

"I don't know, Mike. You want them to?" Danny asks, putting Mike on his lap so he could help him.

"Yes, I want a dad. I miss Mac. Can we go visit him?"

"What do you mean?" Danny asks, confused.

"Go to his grave in the cemetery. I want to talk to him," Mike says.

"No, not tonight, but I'm sure if you ask your mother, she'll take you this weekend," Danny says. "Okay, see that card, it's a seven, so you should put it on that seven," he points to the one in the middle of the table.

"Okay, do you think mommy will have another baby?" Mike asks.

"Well, if she meets the right person and they get married, she may. Why?"

"Where do baby's come from?" Mike asks.

"You're just full of questions tonight, Mike. You should ask your mom that some time."

_  
"Think you've locked your heart away  
Baby, I hold the key  
Believe me when I say  
My love can set you free"  
_

"Why don't we go for a walk in the park before heading home?" Sheldon asks. "It's a nice night. We can look at the stars."

"You'd have to turn all the lights off in this city to see the stars, and that will never happen," Stella smiles as he leads her to the car. "Alright. What time is it?"

"Nine-seventeen. We don't have to work tomorrow. Why are you worrying about the time?" Hawkes asks.

"No reason. Have any plans for the weekend?" Stella asks when they arrive in the park ten minutes later.

"No. Are you okay with this?" Hawkes puts his arm around her waist.

"No, it's too cold out not to have sleeves on my sweater," she smiles.

"I have one of our jackets in my car. I can run back and get it for you," he offers.

"I'll be fine with you," she says, and he wraps around her holding her close to him.

"I meant are you okay with us being together? Are we going too fast?" Sheldon asks after they walk silently for a few minutes.

"Yes, I'm fine with us. I miss Mac."

"I'm sure he misses you too, Stella," Hawkes says, leading her off the trail and toward a big tree. "Promise you'll tell me if you feel uncomfortable at all with us. We'll stop if you say something to me. I don't mind."

"I promise. Trust me, you'll be able to tell when I'm uncomfortable," she says, sounding like a little girl.

"I love you," Sheldon says, backing her against the tree. He kisses her, long and slow until he is sure she will pass out from lack of oxygen soon. Before kissing her again, he gives her a chance to breathe and checks her face to make sure she is still okay with him doing this. "You okay? You seem awfully tense," Hawkes brushes a strand of curls from her face.

Stella nods, "I wasn't expecting you to do that."

Sheldon kisses her again, this time using his tongue. Stella pulls away suddenly. "You alright?" Hawkes is concerned again.

"I'm fine," she says, pulling her phone off her back pocket. "What's up, Danny?" she asks when she answers it.

"No, I haven't seen Mike since I left for dinner with Hawkes."

"What? How could you lose him?"

"We'll be there as soon as we can," she hangs up.

Sheldon can instantly tell something is not right. "What's wrong?" he asks as she falls into his open arms.

"Danny lost Mike," she buries her face in is neck as the tears start to fall.

_  
"Take my hand  
And lead me to where you are  
You know I'll follow  
To show me the way to your heart  
Take my hand  
And lead me to where you are  
Baby, you know I'll follow  
To show me the way to your heart"_

**A/N: Sara Evans' "Show Me the Way to Your Heart". Sorry I haven't updated in a while; I've been too lazy to type. Hopefully I can get the next chapter up before I leave for vacation Thursday night, I think. Then I'll write the last chapter while I'm gone and type as soon as I can when I get back. Please review. **


	9. Holes in the Floor of Heaven

**Chapter 9: Holes in the Floor of Heaven**

"_One day shy of eight years old  
Grandma passed away  
I was a broken hearted little boy,  
blowing out that birthday cake  
How I cried when the sky let go  
with a cold and lonesome rain  
Momma smiled said don't be sad child  
Grandma's watchin you today"_

"How could you lose him, Danny?" Stella cries as she opens the door to her house.

"I don't know," Danny answers.

"What did you guys do?" Hawkes asks.

"We played cards, then had a bowl of ice cream while watching TV. I put him to bed at nine like Stella told me to. When I want to check on him half an hour later, he wasn't there. I looked all over the house for him before calling her," Danny explains. "Then I called Flack and Lindsay and asked them to go looking for him-"

"Where are they going to look, Danny? Mike could be anywhere in the city," Stella says. Sheldon tries to hug her, but she refuses to let him.

"Stel, I remembered something he said while we were playing cards. First he asked me if I thought you two would get married. I asked him if he wanted you to. He said he wants a father, and he misses Mac. Mike asked whether we could go visit him, and at first I was a little lost. I mean, how do you visit a dead person? I asked him that, and he said you visit their grave and talk to them. I told him no, and if he asked you, you might take him this weekend. Then Mike asked if you were going to have another baby. I told him you might if you met the right person. You'll have to explain to him where babies come from," Danny says as she cries.

"Okay, so you think he went to visit Mac," Hawkes asks and Danny nods.

"He doesn't know how to get to the cemetery even if he did sneak out of the house. Mike's probably lost somewhere out in this stupid city. Who knows who found him and what they did to him. For all we know he could be dead," Stella cries harder at the thought. She doesn't fight Hawkes when he tries again to put his arms around her.

"We'll find Mike. He'll be okay," he says, rubbing her back soothingly.

_  
"'Cause there's holes in the floor of Heaven  
and her tears are pourin' down  
that's how you know she's watchin'  
wishin' she could be here now  
And sometimes if you're lonely  
just remember she can see  
there's holes in the floor of Heaven  
and she's watchin' over you and me"  
_

There was a knock on the door and Danny answers it.

"Okay, we're all here. What do you want us to do, Stella? We've got the search dogs outside," Lindsay says. "Another unit is one their way to help us. We'll find him, Stel. I'm sure he's fine."

"Do you guys have any idea where he could have gone?" Flack asks. "Wait, why was Danny watching Mike in the first place?"

"I… I- Hawkes asked me out to dinner so I asked Danny to watch Mike for the evening. He said Mike mentioned something about talking to Mac. We think he was intending to go to the cemetery, but who knows where he ended up trying to get there or who found him," Stella replies as Hawkes lets her go.

"Have you done laundry recently, Stel?" Danny asks.

Stella gives him a confused look. "Not since last weekend."

"I'll go get one of Mike's dirty shirts for the dogs to pick up his scent with," Danny offers.

When Danny comes back, Stella takes the shirt and starts to give orders. "Okay, Flack and Lindsay, you start heading to the cemetery. Take different routes. Mike could have stopped and asked someone for directions; we all know he's not shy. Stay at the cemetery when you get there in case he arrives." Lindsay leaves and Flack follows after giving Stella a reassuring hug. "Danny, stay here in case Mike comes back. When the other unit comes, tell then to just drive around looking for him. If you could please alert the station and have everyone on the lookout, that would be great," she says.

"Sure thing, Stella. We're not going to give up until we find Mike. And we will find, and he'll be unharmed. Mike's a smart kid," Danny puts a hand on her shoulder as he says this, disappointed she is not sending him out, but he knows every job is important if they're going to find Mike before it is too late.

"Sheldon, you and I are going with the search dogs," Stella says heading to the door with Hawkes behind her. "Here," Stella hands the shirt to the officer, and the dogs sniff it. Immediately they pick up Mike's path and set out on the chase.

_  
"Seasons come and seasons go  
nothin' stays the same  
I grew up fell in love  
met a girl who took my name  
Year by year we made a life  
in this sleepy little town  
I thought we'd grow old together  
Lord I sure do miss her now"  
_

"I can't believe you're running. And in those shoes," Hawkes teases as they run after the dogs, hot on Mike's trail.

"Me either. Sheldon Hawkes, this is no time to be funny. My son is lost and alone in this awful city," Stella yells at him. "I can't run any more," she slows to a walk and Hawkes stops running too.

"We can still see them from back here. We'll catch up eventually," Hawkes tells her. She leans against him for support. "I love you."

"I love you too, but right now I'm trying to find my son, so if you don't mind," Stella takes off running as Hawkes leans over to kiss her cheek.

"What? Stella, wait for me," he runs after her. "Did you say you love me?" Hawkes asks when he catches up with her.

"Yeah, I guess I did."

**---CSI: NY---**

"Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me how to get to the cemetery?" Mike asks a man on the street, even though Stella and Mac had taught him not to talk to strangers.

"No, shouldn't you be with your parents?" the man asks.

"Thanks for your help," Mike walks away, spotting another store where he could ask for directions. "Hi, can you please tell me how to get to the cemetery?" Mike politely asks the woman behind the counter.

"What would a boy like you want at a cemetery?" she asks.

"I want to talk to my dad. Well, Mac's not my real dad. My mom killed my real dad because he was a bad man. Mac is my other dad. He was a detective and someone killed him. I miss him a lot and I know my mom does too, but she and Hawkes are going to get married and have a baby," Mike says as the lady rolls her eyes.

"Where is your mother?" she asks.

"Out on a date. Danny was watching me, but I snuck out," Mike answers cheerfully.

'_Figures. How many guys can she have at once? Anyway she's not a very good mother. I should call the police for child negligence,'_ the woman thinks to herself.

"Mike," Stella yells as she opens the door to the store.

"Mom, what are you doing here?" he runs over to her and gives her a big hug.

"Why did you leave? You had me so scared. I thought something would happen to you." Stella gives him a kiss on the cheek. "Let's go home."

"I love you, Mom. How did you find me?" Mike asks before kissing her.

"We used the search dogs," she answers, exiting the store. Hawkes gives them both a hug and takes Mike out of Stella's arms.

"I called everyone and told them that we found him. Two cars are on their way here so we don't have to walk all the way back to the house," Sheldon tells Stella, then turns to Mike. "You, mister, I believe you're in big trouble. Why did you leave the house after Danny put you in bed?"

_  
"Well my little girl is 23  
I walk her down the aisle  
it's a shame her mom can't be here now  
to see her lovely smile  
They throw the rice  
I catch her eye  
as the rain starts comin' down  
she takes my hand says daddy don't be sad 'cause  
I know momma's watchin' now"  
_

"I wanted to talk to Mac," Mike says quietly. "I asked Danny to take me, but he wouldn't. Danny said you might take me tomorrow if I asked you, but it couldn't wait."

"So you decided sneaking out and trying to find your own way there would have been better?" Stella asks.

"I… I guess. Can we go visit Mac tomorrow, Mommy?" Mike asks sadly. "I'm sorry I scared you and everyone else, and I'm sorry I ran away. I love you, Mommy," Mike leans over out of Hawkes arms to kiss her.

"I love you too, Mike. Why not? It's getting too late to today," Stella tells him and he nods.

"You know, Mike, Mac is always watching you from heaven. He sees everything that happens from way up in the sky. I'm sure Mac misses you too. You can talk to him from anywhere, and he'll always hear you," Hawkes says as they get in the SUV.

"Why did he leave?" Mike asks.

"Mike, Mac didn't want to leave you and Stella. But some… idiot decided to kill him," Hawkes assures him.

"Bad things happen to good people all the time, especially when you're not expecting to have your perfect life ruined," Stella adds.

"Hawkes, can you spend the night again?" Mike asks with a huge smile.

"You'll have to ask your mother that."

"We'll see."

**---CSI: NY---**

Hawkes sat on the couch, half asleep with Stella on top of him. Mike was back in bed.

"Stel," he whispered softly, realizing he should probably leave. She did not wake up. He carefully lifted her up and carried her upstairs to her bed. As he lay her down softly on the bed, she woke up and before he could pull away, Stella pulled his head down to her lips.

"Spend the night," she says softly when he pulled back from her.

"You sure you're okay?" Sheldon asks as she pulls him back on top of her.

"Yes, I'm fine. But it does get lonely with this bed all to myself," Stella whispers as Hawkes kisses her neck, moving down her shoulder.

"Then I'll definitely stay," he pauses. Fetch, the lab, jumps onto the bed and starts kissing both Stella's and Hawkes' faces.

"Fetch, get down," Stella says. The dog stops licking them, but refuses to move.

Hawkes gets off Stella and walks to the bedroom door calling the dog. "Come on, Fetch. Go see Mike." Fetch leaves. Hawkes goes back to Stella after shutting the door, taking off his shirt. "Now, where were we?" he asks.

Stella giggles as he continues to kiss her. "Wait, do you want more kids or– well obviously you did because you were pregnant- but do I need to-"

"Not unless you don't want to be a dad," Stella smiles.

"I didn't know you were this bad, Stella," Hawkes whispers in her ear before he slips her shirt over her head.

"Sheldon, there's a lot you don't know about me."

_  
"And there's holes in the floor of Heaven  
and her tears are pourin down  
that's how you know she's watchin'  
wishin' she could be here now  
and sometimes when I'm lonely  
I remember she can see  
there's holes in the floor of Heaven  
and she's watchin' over you and me  
Watchin' over you and me  
Watchin' over you and me  
Watchin' over you and me"_

**A/N: "Holes in the Floor of Heaven" Steve Warner. I just barely got this done before I have to leave. Got to go finish packing. I'll try to type the last chapter on the one day I have before I leave again for Dayton. Please, please, please review. **


	10. The Secrets That We Keep

**Chapter 10: The Secrets That We Keep**

"_Across a crowded room  
I can't keep my eyes off you  
You take my breath away  
Looking at me now  
I know what you are thinking about  
You are thinking about the way  
You woke me up this morning and made sweet love to me"  
_

"Stel, what are you still doing here? Are you turning into Mac, with the working all the time? It's nine, why don't we go pick Mike up and I'll take you two out to dinner?" Hawkes says to her when he spots her office light on.

"Paperwork, no, and it's very tempting, but I've got to finish this by Monday," she looks up.

"Now I know how you felt with Mac. You've got all weekend to finish," he says, gently pulling her up from her chair.

"No, I've got too many distractions, including you, Sheldon," she grins as he kisses her.

"But I'm a good distraction, and so is your son. You feeling alright, Stella? You look a little pale," Hawkes says, letting her grab what she needed before leading her out of the office.

"I'm fine. Just tired because somebody has been in my bed every night for the past three weeks," Stella glares at him.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," Hawkes laughs. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yes, I'm sure I'm fine. Who are you, my mother?" Stella jokes.

**---CSI: NY---**

"Mommy?"

"Yes, Mike?"

"Are you and you and Hawkes going to have a baby?"

"Maybe," Stella replies, looking over at Hawkes for his reaction.

"Danny said you have to get married before you can have a baby," Mike remembers.

"Well, most couples do get married before they have kids," Hawkes says.

"Mom, where do babies come from?" Mike asks with a smile as Hawkes takes Stella's hand from across the table.

"Um… I'll tell you that when you're older," Stella says as the waitress comes to take their drink orders.

"I'll have a glass of water," Stella tells her, "and he'll have a coke," she orders for Mike.

"Ice tea, please," Hawkes says.

"Alright, do you know what you're going to eat or should I come back?" the waitress asks. Stella shakes her head while the other two nod. "I'll come back."

"I'll be back in a second," Stella says, standing up. "Got to use the restroom."

"Stel, you're the one who doesn't know what they want to eat. You look awfully pale. Sure you're not sick?" Hawkes asks again, quite concerned that she's getting sick, but Stella doesn't answer.

_  
"Oh baby  
I love the way you touch me  
You know my body so well  
You do much more to love me  
Wrapped up inside of you is where I want to be  
Because no body knows  
No body knows  
No body knows the secrets that we keep"  
_

"Sheldon, I'm going to take a cab home. You stay here and enjoy dinner," Stella says when she returns from the bathroom.

"Why? You've got to be hungry; we didn't stop to eat at work," Hawkes says, hoping it's not serious.

"She didn't eat breakfast either," Mike surprises them; they didn't think he was listening to their conversation.

"Now I'm starting to understand why you keep asking if I'm feeling okay," Stella gives him a small smile.

"Okay, we'll stay here and eat. You go home and rest. Mike and I will fix you soup or something when we get back," Sheldon says before she leaves.

**---CSI: NY---**

"Mike, can I asks you something?" Sheldon asks just as their dinner arrives.

"I guess," Mike says.

"Do you think your mom would say yes if I asked her to marry me?"

"She would. I heard her say she loves you last night," Mike puts a big fork full of spaghetti in his mouth.

"But do you think it's too soon after Mac died and that Stel is still not let him go?" Hawkes asks, not sure Mike knows what he is saying.

"No, she's over Mac; didn't she kiss you?" Mike asks his mouth still full of food.

"Yes, more than that," Hawkes stops, realizing he shouldn't be telling this to a four year old. "You'd be okay with it though? You know I wouldn't be taking Mac's place for either of you."

"Yes."

"Okay, I think I'll ask her when she feels better," Hawkes smiles at an excited Mike.

"Yay, I'm going to have a dad again!"

**---CSI: NY---**

'_I can not be pregnant. There's no way,' _Stella thinks as she stands in the bathroom trying to decide if she really wants to know. _'But there's no other explanation for being a week late. How am I supposed to tell Hawkes I'm pregnant, not sick? It's just morning sickness; who the hell named it "morning sickness" if it happens all day so I have to starve myself?"_

Stella decides to talk to Mac. "Mac, I hope you're not mad about me and Hawkes… being together. I've, um, got a bit of a problem, which I'm sure you already know. I think I'm… pregnant again. Hawkes will probably leave me. And it's definitely my fault this time. He asked if he should use protection, and I told him to if he didn't want to be a father. Well, maybe he does want to be a dad. Okay, maybe I should just take the stupid test. I'll talk to you later. I love you, Mac."

So, Stella takes the test that she stopped for on the way home from dinner. _'It's so nerve wrecking to have to sit here and wait for fifteen minutes to find out,' _she thinks while waiting.

_  
"Once we get inside these four walls  
All the hesitation falls  
We can't wait no more  
As you help me get undressed you don't have to guess  
Baby you know what I want  
I want to love you til the sun comes up  
Til I am sure you are satisfied"_

"Something's wrong," Mac says suddenly. Claire, who was sitting opposite him, was a little lost.

"There's nothing wrong with our game," she says, putting down another card.

"No, not with the game. With Stella," Mac gets up and leaves the house without an explanation. Claire decides to wait a few minutes before following him, for she knows he is going to watch Stella yet again.

"I suppose I should be used to this by now," Claire says after watching him for a few moments. "What is it now?"

"Stella thinks she's pregnant again," Mac says simply. "Not that that's a bad thing."

"I'm going to assume the father is Hawkes," she remembers having to force Mac back to the house when Stella and Hawkes first slept together to give them some privacy. "Isn't it kind of soon for them to be having a kid?"

"Well, I guess. Stella thinks that too anyway."

"What's Mike doing?" Claire asks, wondering over to watch.

"He's eating dinner with Hawkes. Of course she'll marry you. She's scared to death you'll leave her 'cause she's pregnant," Mac tells Hawkes, knowing he can't hear him.

"What are you talking about, Mac?" Claire asks.

"Hawkes asked Mike what he thought Stella would say if he asked her to marry him. I answered," Mac shrugs as if it were nothing.

"You're okay with Stella getting remarried?"

"Yes, it's kind of like what you wanted me to do after you died. I want Stel to be happy," Mac gives his trademark half smile.

"Sure she's not doing this for Mike?"

"No, she loves Hawkes. Stella wouldn't force herself to do something she doesn't want to," Mac states, unsure himself if this is true.

"Stella's a lot like someone else I know. She'd do what was right even if it wasn't something she wanted to do," Claire looks up at him.

"And who would this someone else be?" Mac asks mischievously.

"You. That's why you asked her to let you be the baby's father when you found out Frankie had gotten her pregnant," she whispers.

"Claire, you know that's not true. I mean yes, I knew it was the right thing to do because I love her and couldn't stand seeing her in pain,' Mac says angrily.

"What about me?"

"I love you too, Claire. I love both you and Stella. You can not be jealous of Stella, Claire. You told me a long time ago that you wanted me to be happy if something happened to you. If I remember correctly you even mentioned something about Stella and I getting married."

"I'm sorry, Mac. I know I said that. It feels odd listening to you talk about Stella and Mike. Sometimes I guess I'm jealous that you had what you did with her. I missed you so much, Mac," Claire hugs him and a single tear escapes from her eye.

Mac wipes it away. "I missed you too."

"I'm sorry, Mac. I know you love Stella and Mike. I'm not used to having to share you."

'It's okay," Mac kisses the top of her head.

_  
"Oh baby  
I love the way you touch me  
You know my body so well  
You do much more to love me  
Wrapped up inside of you is where I want to be  
Because no body knows  
The secrets that we keep, yeah"  
_

Stella is sleeping when Hawkes and Mike come home from dinner. Her eyes flutter open when he kisses her. "Hey, sleepyhead, have a good nap?"

"No, go away. I'm still tired," she teases.

"Feeling better? Want me to make you a bowl of soup?" he asks. She shakes her head, closing her eyes. _'How do I tell him?'_

"Alright. Well, I've got a surprise for you when you get better," Hawkes smiles as she scoots closer to him.

"I need to talk to you, Sheldon."

"Stella, dear, we're talking," he chuckles, lying down next to her.

"Did I grow a tail?" she asks, noticing his use of the word 'dear'.

"Of course you don't have a tail," Hawkes wraps his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him.

"That surprise of yours," she begins, "it's going to have to wait nine months."

Hawkes is obviously confused. "Nut, uh," he says, finally realizing what she is telling him. Stella nods. "You're seriously pregnant?" he asks in disbelief. She nods again, not seeing anything but shock when she tries to read his expression. "How long?"

"Few weeks."

"Have you known that long?"

"No, I kind of figured when I… didn't start- when I was late. After a week I finally decided to take a test, especially when you told me I looked sick, and the thought of food made my stomach flip. I'll call the doctor tomorrow and get an appointment," Stella pauses. "Are you… mad or… regretting we slept together without protection?"

"No, I'm not. If I didn't want to be a dad, Stella, I would have used protection. Or if you didn't want more kids. I'm still in shock; I wasn't expecting you to become pregnant so fast. You are okay with this, right?" Hawkes asks, sitting up to watch her.

"Yes. This is just bringing back memories of losing the baby and losing Mac because some SOB shot him, and delivering Mike, and finding out Frankie got me pregnant, and everything with Frankie: the attack, shooting him, and seeing those videos of us sleeping together on the internet," Stella whispers, tears filling her eyes again.

"It's okay, Stel," he says, pulling her up so she is sitting up too. "I'm going to give you the surprise now." Hawkes takes her hand and slides a ring on her finger. Stella looks at the ring; now it is her turn to be shocked.

"Stella, will you marry me?"

"Only if you propose right, on one knee."

"Fine. Will you marry me, Stella?" Sheldon asks again, now in front of her on one knee like she ordered.

"Yes," she kisses him as Mike walks in.

"What happened?" he asks, climbing into his mother's lap. They explain to him that they are getting married, then that he will have a brother or sister after all.

Stella had Mac to help her deal with shooting Frankie and to help her raise Mike. When he was shot, Stella was sure she was on her own. Now she was getting married again and had another baby coming in eight or so months. As they all settled on the bed, Stella no longer felt alone like she had since Mac past away.

_  
"Ohh, wrapped up inside of you  
Is where I want to be  
'Cause no body knows  
No body knows  
No body knows"  
No body knows  
The secrets that we keep"_

**A/N: "The Secret's That We Keep" by Sara Evans. This story is finally finished. I have been busy on vacation and haven't felt like typing since I got home. But since I have another whole story now written I figured I needed to type this. I'll start typing the next story soon, and I have another idea from a dream I had last week and another story coming before that one that is also right after All Access. Well, thanks for reading. **


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